...

i hate rains..at one point of time i used to relate rain to beauty,today i only think of it in terms of dirty roads,mosquitoes n well cold...yes,i still love winters and somehow i love feeling cold,its the only way to know I'm not immune to feeling..but now as i walk thru a shady horizon that while awaiting me long back looked sparkling even the cold has a tinge of bitterness,its not sweet much like how we relish beer rather than candies as we grow.I've learnt to savour the taste of this bitterness,im cozy but not sure if I'm happy...

am i mature?no longer a kid !! or have i simply become cynical n frustrated like one of those females i usually used to laugh at...or have i lost my soul sum where ,or maybe its just dormant,sleeping,hibernating for a while...

on a lighter note however,listening to "you were always on my mind" by Elvis Presley still does wriggle something inside me...watching my neighbours 3 yr ol daughter call me by my name does fill me with pride n love..(I'm one of the few didi's she's comfortable n familiar with,at least kids still love me n damn!i love al those brats!) n yeah hearing that deepti's making a cake just for me kinda makes me want to cry at times(which hasn happened fer long now,hope she gets the msg) n ofcrse seeing those 11 digits flash along with "calling" on my cell does make me smile...

so it aint al that bad...i do have that slight potential to breathe...


..

Does it really matter..
I'm only older by another walk in the rain
kinds that we had when i understood you
All by myself,I tell myself I still love pink
When all I see is your footsteps being washed way
I hate rain now n yet I'm here walking bare feet on the wet grass
I hate to beg u for one look n yet I'm walking to your doorstep
I peep in n see u dancing to the untuned guitar
You're smiling with the wine glass in yer pretty hands
They're wearing diamonds n silk that shines
N all I bear on my skin are the scars
But I think they're prettier till
They 're the only memory I have of yours
I long to hate you ,hoping the ashes fly away
Of each burnt love song you wrote me
But just as they start to whisper I run..
I run frantically behind the ashes I see
You see me outside your mansion,
N u step towards the mess u see..
Why ?why do u tell me my lips are pink
Why?why do I believe you,knowing they never were
You hold my hand n dance with me in the rain
Hiding me from the rest of the world
You open your mouth to say something
N I smell the expensive wine realising my filth..
Just then,someone calls you from the cacophony u call music
You say I mean the world to you but still im left waiting outside
Until of course rain drowns me down
Cuz u never come out again you're just ashamed,aren't you?
Becuz u know u lied wen u talked abt the pink in my lips..
Becuz I was never pretty to you,because youre wat pretty is!
And as I drown I no long no more to hate you
..it really doesnt matter..